I need to address this.

OKAY, I don't know how many friends you've had in your lifetime and I don't mean Macha friends, but THAT is not an attempt at making things better. You say I'M the one changing - you've got another thing coming. you are not the only person who can use her blog to bitch about someone.

Have you ever considered seeing things from MY point of view and not your own? Imagine this: Your PMR results aren't as good as they should be. Your mom is disappointed. Your dad is disappointed. THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD is disappointed. And your mom CASUALLY makes a remark one day about you spending too much time with your friends and going out.

THEN OF COURSE you are accepted into the Science stream, which you immediately take despite EVERY FUCKING ONE'S belief that you would never survive in the Science stream. WELL FUCK THEM.

So you work hard. REAL hard. Maybe there isn't any time for anything else. THERE IS NO. FUCKING. TIME. for anything. You come home from school. You want to relax. No time - You've got Tuition. you come home after and wanna relax. You've got ANOTHER lesson. off you go. by the time you come home, it's late. you stay up late. you barely finish your homework.

WHERE EXACTLY DO YOU HAVE THE TIME TO GO OUT AND SEE YOUR FRIENDS??? OR ANYTHING ELSE?

Yeah. So say your friends are in a different class. And you miss them SO SO much. But even when you go see them, it's like you're on the outside looking in already. And it saddens you. Hurts you, even. Just a little. So you consider changing down to the Art stream to be with them, but that would only prove everyone else's point of that you can't handle Science stream.

That makes you work even harder. And one day, as you are working reallly, reallly hard, your head starts to hurt. Spin a little, sharp stabs here and there and dizzyness with lots and lots of black little spots dancing.

So you pop pills. You ride your bike because now you need to bike to tuition and every other place you wanna go. This makes you even more tired, because other then losing sleep and not eating, you are also losing body fluids. Important fluids. Dangerous if lost, fluids. So your head hurts more.

And one day, while you're staying up late again, finishing homework, there's a stab in the back of your head. A very painful stab. It makes you see spots. It stabs again. You're getting dizzy, so you stand up. Move to the bed. But when you stand up, you fall against the wall and you start to sweat. Your mouth is dry. The room is spinning. You want to call for help but your throat clogs up.

You pass out. And when you wake up, you're on the floor of your room and your alarm is blaring. So you get up. Pretend nothing happened and get on with life. Then it happens in school. The sweating, the spinning. You get an MRI. You have Physiological Hyperplasia in the Pituitary Gland. Nothing major but it makes the doctor wonder.

And in school, what with your lack of attending it, the homework has piled up. So you work even harder. Sometimes you don't sleep anymore. But slowly things are falling into place, and you're relaxing. But things have changed. Friends blame you. You've been working too hard. You're never around and when you are you never talk.

But maybe it isn't your fault. Maybe, just maybe, you TRIED but your friends say THEY'VE TRIED and now everything's your fault. And your blood pressure's already through the roof. So your temper is short. REALLY short. You say what you feel and you don't fall back. You're cold, and indifferent. And downright honest. Why?

Because you're TOO DAMN TIRED.

You wanna cry. So bad. Just break into tears and scream. But no one's there to hold you when you do it. You come home to an empty house, you are the only occupant of the three bedrooms and no one seems to be talking. Or seeing. Everyone around you is hustling, so you hustle too.

You reach out. Someone listens. Someone cares. Someone takes you in their arms and hugs you as you tell your story. It's just unfortunate that there's only ONE person doing this.

Then the other notices. And she thinks that YOU'RE the on who's angst and indifferent. So maybe you are. Maybe you've learnt from past experiences that trusting someone would only hurt you more than anything. So you tell her you're fine and she believes you. Maybe you are fine. But not really.

The others still don't know. They still think it's you're fault. They say they tried, but you don't honestly recall them saying anything to you other than 'Hi' or 'Bye'. You hugged them before you left from their party, and told them it was a good enough party.

[Yeah, you speak with an accent. It's because you can't pronounce things right when you speak in a Malaysian accent or else you'll spit.]

Then it gets worse. They bitch about you. You don't really care. Because they can say whatever they want but if it doesn't hurt you, it's only wasting their time, and not yours. But now you're sick and tired of everything and you needed to address this.

So you did.

I honestly hope when you read this you'd get the idea into your head that I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON CHANGING.